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  • Danielle Grainger, Author

Non-fiction that I’m reading now (January, 2020)

Updated: Jan 12


"If you're interested in BDSM and culture — or if you just think sex is fascinating — then this book will inspire you and challenge you."

- taken directly from the Amazon.com page for this book



Ummm, well, the blurb above from Amazon.com really doesn’t do much to truly explain what this unique collection of blog posts is all about. Yes, many of the posts included in the collection do educate the reader about BDSM and culture. And she does have a way of making not only BDSM sex sound fascinating, but sex in general. But that’s not really what this book is mostly about. At least not for me.


The title is what got me. I grew up in an era of staunch feminism – the first modern wave, if you will. Where men and lesbians were the enemies to the movement. Imagine growing up lesbian in that environment. But the one ideal stemming from the feminist movement(s) – all incarnations of it – that I got out of it is that every woman has a right to be whomever and however they wish to be. She has a right to pursue whatever activities and proclivities she wishes.


"I believe that the feminist movement helped my practice of BDSM: it's one of the factors that gave me the strength and self-assurance required to figure out and discuss my sexual needs." - page 14.

Taking this as the ideal of feminism, Thorn applies this to her newly discovered world of BDSM. Pro-sex feminism is at the forefront of most of her blogs. She pounds us with choice and consent and communication in all relationships – not just BDSM relationships, although she makes a concerted attempt to make sure the reader understands that BDSM activities and lifestyles must always be done honestly and with mutual consent.


Thorn also acknowledges how difficult it was for her to come to terms with her BDSM desires and that at first she felt like she was hiding in the closet. Telling anyone took a huge force to budge that closet door. She wants to know why there is such a stigma on BDSM relationships. Shouldn’t women be allowed to pursue their own sexual gratification in whatever means they choose? Doesn’t feminism push the ideal of independence?


"I see BDSM as a continuum - similar to the theory that homosexuality is a continuum - and sometimes I think that everyone's on the continuum to some degree." - page 15

I’ll add to this blog as I continue to read. I have a thousand of her words highlighted in the book, so I will find some good quotes to add.


To be continued …

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