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  • Danielle Grainger, Author

Trust is Earned

I saw this post on Fetlife.com recently: “Trust comes before obedience. Submission is earned.”


So, I guess this is a message to Dominants. Submissives have to trust a potential Dominant before that Dominant earns a submissive’s obedience, before S/He earns a submissive’s actual submission. I agree with this statement absolutely. As a submissive, I must trust that my Domme has my best interests and my well-being at heart. Given that, I submit to Her wholeheartedly.


But this trusting thing isn’t a one-way street. Dominants also have to be able to trust their submissives! To make this personal, my Domme has to trust me (a submissive) before I earn Her care and, yes, Her obedience.


What's this? A Dominant has to be obedient? Well, yes. Dominants have to be obedient after a fashion in order to hold the trust of the submissive. As a submissive, I have my Dommes’ best interests and Her well-being at heart. I make Her aware of this every day with big gestures and small. With words and pictures. I do this so that She knows that I have earned Her authority. And She does the same for me. Mutual obedience. Mutual trust.


So, let’s change that post to:

“Trust comes before obedience. Both submission and Dominance are earned.”



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